The Bower-Lesley's online journal

this week...

2012-01-20T23:30:00.000-05:00

...has been spent mostly in front of the computer-either in my kitchen corner or with my laptop reclining on an available sofa (I just realized the other day that I think we have rather more sofas than most...do you think four excessive in just three rooms? I've never been a sitting up straight in a firm chair sort of person, I suppose...).

These roses were my companions from Tuesday until today. Just a five dollar bouquet from Trader Joes, but Oh! they had the sweetest, most potent scent. And they are just like the roses that used to twine up the old tree in my backyard...as a young woman-girl. They rambled and curved into bowers of sanctuary and when I climbed the tree almost to its top, I would have to carefully avoid the thorns as I picked my way higher and higher.

The bouquet was faded and no longer sweet-scented this morning, but still looked beautiful when I dropped it over the porch railing on top of the little pile of Christmas cedar-berried branches. If I could see them now in the icy rain...they might be more beautiful still.

I believe I am rambling a bit, like my old roses...but my brain is rather weary, in a very good way, for it is tired out by the joy of writing and sharing and tending and watching a little dream come true this past week.

And even as I write this, my eyelids keep drooping, so I will just "hello!" and I will be back here when I am able and awake and send you love in the meantime.

xo

pictures in the window

2012-01-09T11:52:00.001-05:00

I noticed the other night that the Christmas tree light reflections in the living room window had an unusual quality to them, so I took a few photos...then when I looked at them on my computer, I kept seeing little pictures in the fragments of light. I wonder if you see them, too? I will visit here later in the comments to see what you might see, and tell you what I see...but it was a lovely coming together of the light within, the light without and the wavy, old glass.

Your comments and emails with good wishes were so appreciated. I am finally on the mend, with two good days under my belt and just the need for the occasional tissue and cough drop now. So glad that is over. I haven't been laid so low in many years. I couldn't even enjoy watching movies or reading during that week of illness...but that is behind me now and I was very much able to enjoy watching Downtown Abbey last night. And am looking forward to watching it again tonight with my deario. A second watching is always required to focus in on the clothes and scenery and to savor the lines that went by too quickly the first time. There is so much I could be critical about, like the first season, but I am just going to enjoy instead.

And now I must hie me back to the other shiny pages where I am writing and designing in every spare moment. It is very uplifting to be bringing something bright and new into the world during these cold and grey days.

Here's hoping you have many pleasant things to brighten your week.

a happy new year to all....

2011-12-31T15:38:00.002-05:00

I've dragged myself from my sickbed just long enough to post this little post to wish you all, truly, a Happy and Bright New Year. No fireworks and music and feasting as we usually have to see in the New Year...not for me, anyway. I will be home alone with my mom, feeling a bit sorry for myself, probably not staying up to see the New Year in for the first time in memory, but still grateful for the year behind and hopeful for the year ahead...hoping I will feel well enough to wobble to the back door to let the old year out..and then wobble to the front door to let the new year in...if not at midnight, then at some wee wakeful hour...in the peaceful dark. And I shall be thinking of my family celebrating in town, and dear ones all across the world, including you, and will also be listening, in the crook of the partly-open door, to cold and the crescent-moon quietness and the possibilities...

peeking around the door...

2011-12-27T15:07:00.001-05:00

Just popping by to say that, as I mentioned in my last post, I am soon opening the door to my new endeavor. I've just created a page here which explains it all and has a sign up at the bottom of the page to let you know when the doors will be flung wide open. I am hoping to be ready before the Twelve Days of Christmas have passed, which we are just beginning to settle into. Guests have returned to their homes and we are restoring ours to order and peace...and long, quiet days of creativity and rest.

Sending you good wishes for a Bright New Year!

24

2011-12-24T18:30:00.001-05:00

Happy Christmas everyone...it has been lovely to spend this month together...your comments have been real gifts to me...

I hope the days ahead will include rest and peace and joy and every good thing for you. I have been noticing this line especially lately, from one of the old sentimental Christmas songs...

"and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near..."

And when all the bustle and preparations are done, I am hoping for a glowing heart now and then in the week to come...twelve days, actually, as we try to stretch it out that long when possible. And I will be hoping to bring my new creation to fruition during the twelve glowing days and will be here again when there is news to share.

"As I walked down the road at set of sun,
The lambs were coming homeward one by one,
I heard a sheep bell softly calling them,
Along the little road to Bethlehem.

Beside an open door as I drew nigh,
I heard sweet Mary sing a lullabye,
She sang about the lambs at close of day,
And rocked her tiny boy among the hay.

Across the air the silver sheep bell rang,
"The lambs are coming home," sweet Mary sang,
"Your star of gold, your star of gold is shining in the sky,"
"So sleep my little boy, go lullabye."

As I walked down the road at set of sun,
The lambs were coming homeward one by one,
I heard a sheep bell softly calling them,
Along the little road to Bethlehem."

-Margaret Rose

23

2011-12-23T17:45:00.000-05:00

...just a few moments from our Solstice day and evening and next morning...

...thank you for you lovely comments yesterday. I think many of us have a love of Brambly Hedge in common...

22

2011-12-22T19:14:00.000-05:00

It was our Winter Solstice celebration last night...so we are very weary and happy today. Too tired to type much or prepare lots of photos, so until tomorrow, here are some photos of the Brambly Hedge folk celebrating their Winter Solstice. Ours was very similar in feeling, tho' less furry...

And here, also, are the two readings my deario and I always read around the glowing bonfire. The first is my husband's reading and the second is mine.

"And so the Shortest Day came and the year died
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive.
And when the new year’s sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, reveling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us – listen!
All the long echoes, sing the same delight,
This Shortest Day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, feast, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And now so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Welcome Yule!"

-Susan Cooper

"Brightener of Darkness, hail!

Keeper of Clearness, Opener of the Depths.

Gifts of plenty are arising,

Winter wonders, white snows’ fall.

Joyful be the heart within us,

Open wide the guesting door,

Wisdom waken in abundance,

Warm our beings to the core."

-Caitlin Matthews

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2011-12-21T00:44:00.000-05:00

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2011-12-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

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2011-12-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

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2011-12-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

...as is feeling poorly when there is so much to be done. Again, no photos taken today and so I was looking through my old Small Meadow Press files and found these old "illustrated quotations". All of them speak to me of this time of the year and I hope they will speak to you, as well.

17

2011-12-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

A long day in town, getting and spending (and grateful to be able to do so), but no photos taken today and I must take my weary self to bed, and therefore....

...hoping that Juniper's red comb will be Christmas-y enough for today. This photo was taken just before we gave her a bath in the sink a week or so ago...she needed a little help with her grooming (I will say no more) but is now fluffy and tidy again.

And to weave a bit more Christmas in, I found this article tonight and will be making this one of the many charities we give to anonymously (no further phone calls or junk mail) at Christmas time at Network for Good.

Good night!

16

2011-12-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

Today was the day to turn the page from my favorite pages in my beloved Through the Kitchen Window to, I suppose, my next favorite pages (tho' it is very hard to choose). Had a lovely day today with my deario at home all day and all evening (highly unusual!), and we made it feel more like Christmas here-together.

I keep forgetting to mention that I am on Pinterest now. I think it is the nicest was I've found so far to keep things I find online...just to look at or to actually reference and use...but I must admit to finding it rather visually overwhelming, so I am keeping mine very simple. This board is for photos that speak to me of the season we are in and it is ever-changing as I delete photos when I get much more than a screenful or when the seasons change. And this board is where I gather ideas of things to make and things I would like to explore further. In the New Year, I am going to get in a rhythm of actually following through on the ideas there on a regular basis...this one, too, is often pared down and weeded out...just a screenful is what I like best. Do you have a Pinterest to share with me?

I spoke to my brother today and mentioned Pinterest. He said he had actually heard about it and looked at it but "didn't get it at all". I smiled at that. I think it is probably mostly a woman's thing...just the online version of tearing out magazine pages (still much more satisfying to me, if not so easily organized).

If you are in need of any Christmas decorating inspiration, just click on the little cranberry wreath on my first board...that will take you to a magical place, one I am so enjoying little tastes of over these days.

15

2011-12-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

I thought I would have all the piles tamed by this time, but as soon as one is vanquished, another seems to take its place...tho' I sense a weakening in the speed and strength of the pile-creating forces and hope that tomorrow I will have that mostly-clean slate I have been working towards.

I suppose it may also have taken longer than it should because I get distracted by ideas that suddenly need to brought to fruition...like making the shabby, paint-chipped front door more presentable. I have been "seeing" it layered with some of my old bits of paper, much more easily than I could "see" myself painting it ( I wish I liked to paint more than I do!)...and that did take a bit of time, but lovely and focused moments they were.

And there is another pile, or shall I say little heap, that will be distracting me this evening...and the results of which I will gladly share, should it actually turn out.

Until tomorrow....

14

2011-12-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

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2011-12-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

...snapped on my walk to the mailbox this afternoon....winter in what I saw....Christmas in what I gathered from the mailbox....may your walks and what you find in the mailbox in the days to come bring you joy...

12

2011-12-12T00:00:00.000-05:00

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2011-12-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

...rearranging today...seeking restful whites and creams, yet longing for the warmth of texture...so was finally brave enough to cut a bedspread in two to make our new curtains for the living room...the resulting wintery cosiness is making me very happy...

10

2011-12-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

My bookshelf is now full to the brim with Christmas-y goodness and I can rest easy knowing that spare moments and half-hours and hours that I find with no other employment can be spent cosily with one of these. I am especially looking forward to the Louisa May Alcott, tho' the Irish one looks satisfyingly rustic and earthy...and there may even come a time in the weeks ahead that the lavender fluff on the top of the pile is just the ticket.

I spent a thoughtful while amongst the picture books, thinking they might be especially cheering when that is what is needed, and picked only the most tender, charming and (mostly) English on the shelves in the children's area of our library.

Riches indeed, but I am feeling a little sorry that I don't have thick, satisfying grown-up book to look anticipate reading in long stretches in the days after Christmas. Any recommendations will be gratefully received. And here is my post from last year with a few other ideas for holiday reading, should you want a few more.

And now I am going to take my achy typing arms and slightly sad spirits and indulge in some escape...no, not with my books but some vanilla ice cream and a few episodes of Zen (haven't sorted my Christmas viewing yet!).

P.S. I felt so fortunate to find Becky's Christmas still on the shelf at the library...I think that must be because it is put in the Junior Fiction and it is slim and easily over-looked.

P.P.S. There is a helpful abridged reading plan for Hans Brinker or The Silver Skates at The Storybook Home that you might like to try if you've never read it. I haven't read it for years, but remember reading it to my sons a long time ago and finding it simply enchanting. The pictures and atmosphere it conjured up are still in my memory.

9

2011-12-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

...a Christmas book, which is not a Christmas book...

...and a Christmas song, which is not a Christmas song...

I hope that version is as powerful as the one I discovered on my husband's ipod a few evenings ago (we can't watch videos on the computer at home, so I haven't actually seen it!)...and listened to about fourteen times in a row feeling Christmas so deeply...with much weeping, however. Good weeping...cleansing and longing and hopeful.

And Elizabeth Goudge's magical, historical stories have been tiding me over nicely until I could get to the library today. So you may expect a proper Christmas reading post tomorrow, but in the meantime...do you have stories and music that aren't technically Christmas but that make you feel as tho' they are?

8

2011-12-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

Packages sent on their journeys today, with love and gratitude...

...and lots of scrubbing and clearing and, therefore, finally typing up all the quotes recently discovered and loved in my books (piled up by the computer). One, in May Sarton's Journal of Solitude, stuck me all over again today as I typed...

"I rejoiced to think that soon everything here will be honed down to structure. It is all a rich farewell now to leaves, to color. I think of the trees and how simply they let go, let fall the riches of a season, how without grief (it seems) they can let go and go deep into their roots for renewal and sleep."

I, too, rejoice in the bare branches and the revealed framework that captures the moon, the stars, the birds, the sky....And it seems to me that the color and warmth of these December days and nights makes it easier to let go a bit later...and go deep...and rest....

7

2011-12-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

6

2011-12-06T00:00:00.000-05:00

It is very quiet here...my sons won't be home for another week atleast, my deario is often away at gigs, my sweet mom is very quiet and rather confused these days...but there is more time than usual to tend to the little things...like a new cover for my notebook. New for my notebook, but more than a hundred years old...

And every day I perch on the sofa in the little, sunny sitting room with my basket next to me while Mom breakfasts...and make my lists...and check them twice...

It is a blessing that I can be happy at home, day after quiet day...but I must admit that one of the happiest sounds I hear is the little "ping" of a new email in my inbox from the computer in kitchen corner. Comments so brighten my day, and I love to follow some to new places I've never been before and some to familiar haunts. Perhaps if you read here and are enjoying my Advent posts and haven't said hello yet...you might do so in the days to come? Thinking about it, opening comments has the same quality of expectation that the opening of Advent doors does...

Who knows who is writing...what they will have to say...what new place I may discover?

And as I continue on at rather a snail's pace through these early December days, it has been such a treat to see where others have already arrived in making their homes Fair...just to name a few.

Wishing you quiet...or joyous sound...or mixture of both...whatever it is you need.

5

2011-12-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

A week ago today, we were together by the sea...our Santa Fe family, home for Thanksgiving. And in a few short weeks, another arrangement of our family will come together, home for Christmas. This is the most precious part of home-festivals, don't you think? However large or small the family constellation...it is always Love.

..."as home to meet our own we go"...

4

2011-12-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

"Odd how the creative power at once brings the whole universe to order"

-Virginia Woolf

I work at my own little universe...day by day, layer by layer, little by little...with my hands and my imagination (which seems another word for heart to me)...towards peace.

3

2011-12-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

"People, look east. The time is near
Of the crowning of the year.
Make your house fair as you are able,
Trim the hearth and set the table.
People, look east and sing today:
Love, the guest, is on the way.

Furrows, be glad. Though earth is bare,
One more seed is planted there:
Give up your strength the seed to nourish,
That in course the flower may flourish.
People, look east and sing today:
Love, the rose, is on the way.

Birds, though you long have ceased to build,
Guard the nest that must be filled.
Even the hour when wings are frozen
God for fledging time has chosen.
People, look east and sing today:
Love, the bird, is on the way.

Stars, keep the watch. When night is dim
One more light the bowl shall brim,
Shining beyond the frosty weather,
Bright as sun and moon together.
People, look east and sing today:
Love, the star, is on the way.

Angels, announce with shouts of mirth
Christ who brings new life to earth.
Set every peak and valley humming
With the word, the Lord is coming.
People, look east and sing today:
Love, the Lord, is on the way."

-Eleanor Farjeon

(first published as Carol of Advent)

2

2011-12-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

It is the expectant time for me. I don't decorate until later in the month, but am spending spare moments clearing and dreaming. The star hangs from the living room ceiling, where it hangs the year 'round, reminding me of the tree that will stand beneath it...just at the edge of the living room, with its arms reaching into the next-door kitchen.

And the sun makes me notice the candle chandelier, that stays empty much of the year, but which will soon be draped with boxwood and grapevine and filled with pearly candles.

Thinking of the tree-to-be, I am reminded that most of our tree lights weren't working last year, and I add the buying of new ones (brown wires, to blend with the branches) to my ever-growing list. Troubled by the thought of what to do with the grocery bag of old ones that no longer work well, I find out from the internet that local Goodwill stores will gladly take old lights and recycle the wiring and plastic. Isn't that good to know? So the bag of old lights gets placed next to the other bags by the front door, waiting for our next trip into town.

And so it goes.

1

2011-12-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

P.S. I realized early this morning that tho' Advent is flowing along and it is the fifth day of it...if I continue on with my counting as I began, I may get muddled by my posts here going along in their way and the calendar going along in another.

So I am starting again, today, with the 1st.

Clarity is a good thing.

november 30

2011-11-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

Wednesday.

The fourth day of Advent.

When I am not preparing things for my last little sale, finishing up the simple Christmas list (must finish that getting and spending as soon as possible...to get on to the envisioning and creating and reading and savoring) and all the usual daily tasks, I will spend this day clearing every surface and shelf and section of floor and stairs and any other horizontal surface of anything that doesn't please me mightily or speak to me of December and all it means. The vertical surfaces will receive my loving scrutiny as well.

In all honesty, it will take more than just one day, but how good it will feel to make every corner as empty as feels inspiring...to receive, in the days to come, some dusting and polishing...a little or alot added back...or, perhaps, nothing at all...making my home Fair (more of that lovely carol to come!).

I feel a very gentle, steady force urging me on to the clearing and preparing and making space physically now so that we will have a feeling of spaciousness with our time and togetherness as we get closer to Christmas Day.

Do you feel it too?

november 29

2011-11-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

november 28

2011-11-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

snug. comfortable. warm.

...another side of this time of year...a sort-of balance to the crystalline, bare-limbed, star-dappled side. I don't know quite which side I was experiencing tonight as I lit a simple candle for my seven-year-old nephew, to honor the first Sunday in Advent...read the snowy, hushed story Owl Moon together...exchanged good-nights and endearments in the candlelit darkness...breathed a few long breaths with him and heard his breathing grow slow and regular...then left him with a kiss in his upturned palm...

...a bit of both, I think. The best sort of moments.

november 27

2011-11-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

...for me...Advent begins slowly...aware of the misty, spare quality of late November...

...bright leaves mostly gone...all feels nicely bare and clean-swept...and I will spend the first few days bringing the same feeling to my home...before we begin adding the rich and lustrous layers as Christmas draws nearer...

after the feast...

2011-11-24T16:35:00.001-05:00

A few hours ago, the Queen-my dear mother-in-law, the maker of the feast, lifted her fork and we began our meal. Greatly blessed with the presence of the Santa Fe branch of our family, we shared lovely food and wine, much talk and laughter, snatches of song ("come ye thankful people come..."), stories and teasing, chocolate and coffee...

Then it was time for my deario to change into his costume and make his way to the tavern to play music for those celebrating the day in Colonial Williamsburg, and for some to tidy up in the kitchen, and some to take a long walk in the crisp late afternoon air. It was my part to watch over my mother as she dozed on the sofa, and I admit to feeling a bit left out.

But as I reclined in my chair, pretending to sleep, I thought about this post...and what I might write...and who might read it...and what their Thanksgiving afternoons (or their Thursday afternoons) might be like...and felt all over again such deep appreciation for the kindredness and caring that is nurtured on these bright pages online...yours and mine and others. Not everyone understands it, but those who do understand how thankful I feel at this moment.

Tho' this picture is only a few days old, the leaves have since been blown and drenched off the trees....everything is becoming bare and wintry. But Advent is almost here to gild the lovely, austere days...and I am looking forward to making The Bower a sort-of Advent calendar for the next four weeks or so, with a picture to find each day...and perhaps a few words...hoping to see you here.

november pearls

2011-11-16T20:54:00.001-05:00

“After all," Anne had said to Marilla once,

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens

but just those that bring simple little pleasures,

following one another softly,

like pearls slipping off a string.”

― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

of warmth and light

2011-11-04T22:35:00.002-04:00

"The first fire is the symbol of winter's arrival. Winter comes not in calendar compartments; it comes with the advent of fire. When the air becomes resonant with the chopping of wood, when I see the smoke ascending from neighbors' chimneys and smell the fragrance of wood burning, I know that winter is here."

-Abbie Graham

The sorting continues, and tho' it felt a bit like book-burning, some old cards of mine that were too bent or dented to use or offer fed our first fire of the season quite beautifully. I unearthed quite a little collection that are in fine condition and hope to offer them closer to Christmas.

We've also been warming ourselves by the fire of friends and music at the Hallowe'en gig last weekend...nothing like that combination.

It turns out to be rather easy to make a pirate-wife/sprite costume...if you have frequented the thrift store for years (and have probably too many long dresses and skirts that others have given away) and have plenty of pretty pins to tuck up skirts with, a borrowed belt, turned-down boots and a woolen sash (actually a lovely scarf from Salina) from which to hang "weapons".

I decided I wasn't in the mood for swords and knives and instead dangled an old pen, a little notebook and a hen's feather, because...after all..."the pen is mightier than the sword". I found all the layers of leaves and flowers rather earthy and enchanting and may just try to wear it out on regular days...tho' without the sash and adornments and tucks...I suppose...

Aaarrrgghhhh...a pirate and his iPad can ne'er be parted.

"Kneel always when you light a fire!
Kneel reverently, and thankful be
For God's unfailing charity,
And on the ascending flame inspire
A little prayer, that shall upbear
The incense of your thankfulness
For this sweet grace
Of warmth and light!
For here again is sacrifice
For your delight.

-John Oxenham

P.S. You know...all the dark and light contrasting in these photos puts me in mind of the achingly gorgeous shots of Edinburgh I have been drinking in watching Jackson Brodie (please roll your "r" when you say it!) in Masterpiece Mystery. So, so good. And as I recorded them, I will be rewatching them this week, and highly recommend them. Edinburgh is as much a presence as any of the wonderful human characters portrayed in the stories.

respite

2011-10-28T19:00:00.002-04:00

It's been a quiet, golden week here while my brother takes care of my mom at the beach and I...

...have picnic lunches in the hayfield....

...sort and organize...

...find new sunny spots in our home to breakfast with my deario...

...rearrange and sift and sort some more in my studio...

...and, today, succumb to some sort of stuffy-headachy-achy-all-over-something. The weather has turned chill and wet, as well. So this next-to-last day of respite has been spent on the sofa, except for a bit of time this morning gathering bits and bobs for the Hallowe'en costume I hope I can don tomorrow evening. My husband has a gig at a lovely rural cafe, an annual affair, and tho' I don't usually dress up, he encouraged me to do so this year. And since he is going to be a pirate (an easy costume when you have long hair and colonial clothes for your day-job!), I am going to be a pirate's wife. A pirate of-sorts, tho' without weapons and with a good deal of flowery and leafy layers of skirts...I am imagining a stay-at-home pirate-sprite.

As soon as I finish this I will light a fire in the fireplace next to me, work a bit more on my new project (shall I share a tiny peek?), watch a peaceful movie or two, and enjoy my last evening alone for awhile.

It has been a true respite, with a little bit of everything in it...and the stillness and freedom to savor it all...and take it with me into the coming months.

P.S. Great thanks for all your comments and insights about the new background...

housekeeping

2011-10-18T12:18:00.000-04:00

A dear friend has been visiting with me for the past week. We had a few lovely rambles and many hours sitting and putting both our own small worlds and the big old world to rights.

Setting things to rights is always a favorite pursuit, and the crisp air and lively sunshine of these Autumn months are a powerful muse...as are the pale warmth of the trees and sky, the glimpses of spare beauty, the delicate embellishments of vines and wind-tossed leaves.

Cupboards are being turned out, bookshelves pared down, and I think a bit of housekeeping is in order here, as well, as I continue to re-arrange and decorate these pages.

I wonder what you think of the new background? The all-white was feeling too stark for me, and I love the way the circles weave in and around the words and pictures. On my computer, the circles of flowers are pale, but I have worried that on some monitors they might be too dark and distracting...so do let me know how they appear to you. I will probably change out the background when inspiration strikes...

Recently I learned that some of my dear readers no longer comment because they don't know how to sign in through Google or some other "identity". Then I switched the settings on my comments back to allow for anonymous comments, and in a matter of hours started receiving spam comments, so I've switched the settings back again. I don't like to do it, but nor do I like receiving all those meaningless comments in my inbox...all a part of simplifying each little corner of my life. So I hope, if you don't already have a Google (or Typepad or other blogging account) you might take a minute or two to create one. It's as simple as choosing an email address and password for a Google account (you don't need to have or sign up for a gmail address) and using that to sign in with when you comment at blogs. It would be so lovely to hear from everyone who wants to share their thoughts with me....

And that reminds me of another detail. A few months ago I added a little explanation at the top of the comment box about setting up your Google profile to send your email address to me when your comment is sent. This makes it SO easy for me to write back, but I still receive lovely comments with no "return address". I don't always write back, of course, but love to be able to if everything conspires to make that possible. So if you have a desire to set your online conversing to rights, I hope these few things help.

Now I am going to get to some non-pixellated sorting out. One of the rambles I took with my friend Dori was along the aisles of our antiques mall. I found some very beautiful and very useful things that are still mostly wrapped up in papery bundles awaiting the clearing out of those things that are no longer of use or beautiful to me. It will be the kitchen cupboards today. It will feel so good to move out all of the things that only get used once a year...or the things that were given long ago that just don't suit us any longer...or the things that belong to old dreams and visions.

Then I will fill those shelves with what suits us just now....as we are....with a little empty space for new dreams and visions to take root in.

*photos taken in and around Colonial Williamsburg during one of our rambles*

september....

2011-09-25T15:57:00.001-04:00

...the first in seventeen years without our home-school...all the planning and preparation and beginning...It has felt a bit odd and empty.

...but I had a few quiet hours to myself on the first day of Autumn, as the rain fell so gently outside our porch room, with a sharpened pencil and some newly designed pages for the planner/calendar I am working on...that felt September-ish...

...and I dined upon some of the lovely vegan dishes I learned to prepare during Heather's workshop last month. And in the days to come I will be making a notebook from the course's recipes and inspiring posts...and also looking at my week and planning some hours devoted to exploring new cookery ways...that feels September-ish...

...and as I sat with my box of old desk supplies, mending my planner cover...thinking about the months ahead, looking forward to some hours in my studio, slowly transforming it from a place centered around a creative business I no longer have, to a place that supports my life as it is now...I saw that I do-after all-have some small, fresh beginnings going on...as it has always felt to me one ought at this time of year.

I will be back soon with studio goodness.
I hope your September has been something like you hoped it would be. As I have come to mine late, I am extending it into October if I feel like it, reading Rosamunde Pilcher short stories, waiting for a used copy of her September to arrive in the mail, continuing my plotting and planning and the actual starting of new things.

Happy Autumn!

biding our time...

2011-09-02T23:55:00.000-04:00

...while we wait for the power to return, and get accustomed to the empty spaces in our back-yard sky. We are so grateful that home and people and creatures are all fine. But, oh! How strange it is to see all the green (now brown) leaves on the ground, to have our view so altered, to know we will soon have to say good-bye to all three of the trees that have graced our lives and yard for the twenty years we have been here.

The hardest bit will be when our sons come home from their travels and college to see their "swing" tree for the first time since the hurricane. Sigh. I know these things happen. But right now I am thinking of the earliest days when we rocked our baby Caleb in the cosy swing there, and the jungle gym that was tucked under its branches for so many years, the many al fresco meals shared in its shade and the rope over the tire that still swings a young man from time to time. But now there are more broken limbs than not and all of the trees are damaged and dangerous.

Eventually, we will be able to plant new trees and begin again. That will be good. My husband has been an absolute hero, keeping Mom and I safe and happy. That included working many, many hours each day after the storm sawing up and removing every huge limb and small branch so the yard could get back to some semblance of peace-for my mom's sake. Tho' we were able to shield her from most of the hurricane's noise and disturbance while it was here, its aftermath has been harder to hide.

Have you ever read the definition of "biding one's time"? It is to "wait quietly for a good opportunity to do something". That nicely describes our days...washing dishes and taking showers when the generator is on to give us water...sweeping, cooking on the camp-stove, reading, hanging wash on the line during the long, quiet middle of the day hours...writing emails (and blog posts!) during the evening generator-time...talking and laughing and buoying each others spirits often.

I will be quite ready for the power to come back on. Power outages are not what they used to be here. Change is hard for Mom...she can't go with the flow anymore. Lots of reassurance is needed. The hardest part is having to sleep on the sofa just outside my mom's bedroom each night. I miss my bed and my husband. But without a monitor, I have to be within ear's hearing of her trying to turn on her light...walking around in the dark...worrying. We are working on getting some new technology to help with that, as the electricity goes out fairly often. Until then, when the generator goes off at night, you will find me on the sofa with candles lit and a flashlight balanced on my shoulder as I read myself to sleep. In those moments before my eyes close I think of all the others dealing with much harder circumstances than my own since the hurricane...and friends and family...and all the ups and downs and bends in the road life can take.

Thinking of you. Thank you for thinking of me. Sending you light and hoping the candles last as long as they need to.

I had intended...

2011-08-27T12:20:00.001-04:00

...a dreamy end-of-summer post...

...with thoughts on the first yellow leaves drifting down from the trees...

...and the students returning to college, first with their parents by their sides, then in their happy independence...

...but hurricanes and headaches mean this will be a hasty post...

...to show you my end-of-summer so far...

...to recommend this rather lovely movie for a matinee on a late-summer afternoon in town...

...and if you need just a little bit more summer and sea before you feel ready to let it go...

... this might be just the thing for you, as it was for me...

...tho' I fully intend to be back at the riverside just as soon as possible to soak in the all of the finally-more-gentle warmth and the sparkling water and the sand and stones and every good thing...

summer patchwork

2011-07-31T18:41:00.006-04:00

It seems a long time ago since I took these first several photos...

...in the flower-gathering, porch-breakfasting, weeding-in-the-morning, resting-in-the-afternoon, early summer days.

...days abundant with rain and sun and energy and movement...

The more recent weeks of heat and stillness have woven their spell of inertia, with the white-noise hum of the air-conditioner much of the day and the weeds growing apace.

But my family still gathered at my mom's beach house for rare days of togetherness, as we do every summer....tho' "how much longer?" we wondered. I returned home to my husband's story of the little swallows leaving-of- the-nest. It would seem that two of them simply took flight one afternoon before my deario left for work. He just happened to see them, so he got a chair and sat down to watch (through the glass of the front door) the last young one leave the nest. Instead, he watched as the young one sat and sat, and the parents flew around and chattered and coaxed (one imagines)...to no avail. A parent bird even went so far as taking the reluctant ones wing in its beak and stretching it out...and still, the young one would have none of it. My husband left for work with the last fledgling still unfledged (may I still call it a fledgling?) and found it still in the nest in the morning...but not for long, for it flew later that morning, when it was good and ready.

Good and Ready. I didn't know that it worked that way for birds as well as humans. Not that we always have the opportunity of feeling good and ready for what comes our way, but those are the best times. I don't know, as a mother, if I ever feel so when it comes to my own children flying the nest, but they fly never-the-less. Thus far, they aren't away for long....rather like the three young swallows who swoop through the porch a few times a day now, blessing our home and our hours with cheer and remembrance.

So we have had only good bird moments here lately, I am glad to say. And how much I appreciated all your loving responses to my last post.

I knew you would understand.

As I know you understand the gratitude I felt for the bird that sang in the dark hour one early morning this week, just after we said good-bye to our eldest son as he left on the long drive that was only the beginning of a two-week adventure in the wilds. As the sun would not hurry up and bring me light, to ease my worries, song is the next best thing, and I was soon asleep.

And the summer continues to unfold...with the lovely re-discovery of a river beach from my courtship days (more of it to come...it is my new spot to pass some of my town hours).

...a precious visit from a dear friend...

...not just rests, but little naps and the reading-of-good-books in the long and quiet afternoons...

...and every spare moment I can grasp spent creating my new venture online. It is the right time. I am Good and Ready...and also Determined, after a few months of dreary stuggle with the nuts and bolts part of it, to bring it to light in the near future.

Until then, I hope your own summer patchworks are

bringing you moments of pleasure and joy.

the infinite thou art

2011-07-01T23:39:00.001-04:00

Frail new-born wings, 

Small voice that sings, 

New little beating heart, 

Dread not thy birth, 

Nor fear the earth — 

The Infinite thou art : 

The sun doth shine, 

The earth doth spin. 

For welcome — enter in 

This green and daisied sphere. 

Rejoice — and have no fear.

-Richard Le Gallienne

 Tonight, as I was walking back to the house after putting the hens

to bed, I heard a commotion by the kitchen garden gate. In the

twilight, I could just make out our black and white cat and two

swooping mockingbirds. As I came closer, my hands full of hen's eggs,

the cat came towards me and I saw a little fledging bird hop

unsteadily into the garden. I couldn't tell if it was hurt or not,

but didn't stop to discern...just scooped up the cat in one hand,

the eggs were in the other and got back to the house. I deposited

the cat on the porch and the eggs in the fridge, checked on Mom,

took up the flashlight and strode back out towards the garden.

I was going to check on the little one and possibly put it safely

on a branch in a protective bush (what we have read to do in the past

when this has happened). The parent mockingbirds seemed to have moved

across the garden to the fruit trees, so I assumed the fledgling had

made its way there. But I was so wrong, just as that thought went

through my head, I heard and felt a sickening little crushing sound.

In despair, I swung the light to where I had just lifted my flowery

boot...and yes...there was the little body, its life quickly draining

away.

In only seconds it was still and my quiet sobs filled the gentle

darkness, then my apologies were flung out to the two mockingbirds,

somewhere in the garden, mockingbirds that sweeten our evenings and

early mornings...mockingbirds that must be confused, concerned...

As I stumbled back inside I struck the fence and then the steps with

the flashlight, then wiped away my tears so that they wouldn't upset

Mom, then tried to pretend that I was watching Wimbledon, when all

I could sense was the place on my foot that had felt that terrible

and tiny pressure.

There will be no one here to tell until the wee hours of the

morning, so I came here to tell of the little infinity that seemed

to end tonight, through the unlucky placement of my foot...or the

dratted cat...I just don't know. I just know how much the winged

things mean to our lives...we give them water and food and shelter...

we chronicle their daily lives...our eyes are drawn to them over and

over from morning to night...they are our dear companions...and I am

so sorry for what happened. And I shall be doing everything

possible to protect the three tiny swallows now nestling, closed-eyed,

in their wondrous muddy home on our front porch.

the bliss in which we move...

2011-06-10T02:22:00.001-04:00

To walk abroad is, not with eyes,
But thoughts, the fields to see and prize;
Else may the silent feet,
Like logs of wood,
Move up and down, and see no good
Nor joy nor glory meet.

Ev'n carts and wheels their place do change,
But cannot see, though very strange
The glory that is by;
Dead puppets may
Move in the bright and glorious day,
Yet not behold the sky.

And are not men than they more blind,
Who having eyes yet never find
The bliss in which they move;
Like statues dead
They up and down are carried
Yet never see nor love.

To walk is by a thought to go;
To move in spirit to and fro;
To mind the good we see;
To taste the sweet;
Observing all the things we meet
How choice and rich they be.

To note the beauty of the day,
And golden fields of corn survey;
Admire each pretty flow'r
With its sweet smell;
To praise their Maker, and to tell
The marks of his great pow'r.

To fly abroad like active bees,
Among the hedges and the trees,
To cull the dew that lies
On ev'ry blade,
From ev'ry blossom; till we lade
Our minds, as they their thighs.

Observe those rich and glorious things,
The rivers, meadows, woods, and springs,
The fructifying sun;
To note from far
The rising of each twinkling star
For us his race to run.

A little child these well perceives,
Who, tumbling in green grass and leaves,
May rich as kings be thought,
But there's a sight
Which perfect manhood may delight,
To which we shall be brought.

While in those pleasant paths we talk,
'Tis that tow'rds which at last we walk;
For we may by degrees
Wisely proceed
Pleasures of love and praise to heed,
From viewing herbs and trees.                                                                     

Walking

by

Thomas Traherne

1636-1674

England

food glorious food

2011-06-01T23:06:00.001-04:00

It used to be said that British food wasn't the best, but I have always been quite taken with it, and with Jamie Oliver and Hugh F.W. and all of the unsung growers and cooks making fresh, local, and organic much more common, it should only get better and better. Of course, I admit that I am biased and that I haven't traveled extensively. Nor do I live in a particularly rich area for variety or deep consciousness about food. It is a wish that I send out into the universe fairly often that Williamsburg might get a vegetarian restaurant....even a place to get a fair-trade, organic cup of coffee would be a nice beginning.

But this post is about what I enjoyed eating whilst I was in Britain a few years ago. And again, these are just snapshots. I am not a good food photographer like some people I know, but it has been fun to gather these and edit them this week, before I inundate you with more lush, green landscape photos and wrap up my retrospective.

Just a store-bought packaged cake (and some hard cider!), but as cake is one of my favorite words and favorite things in this world, I found much to enjoy about it. And I couldn't ask for a nicer perch to savor it than the windowseat in my castle kitchen.

A few photos from the one "fancy" tea I partook of. Tho' both the company and the setting were delightful, my favorite teas are more hearty and homespun. But there was a wedding going on at the same time we were taking our tea and it was lovely to watch the happy people (and I got to see my first fascinator!). The best part was the prelude to the tea, when I first dallied and then ran down Binsey, quickly climbed the stile, nipped into my friend's waiting car and hurriedly changed from climbing dress to manor-house tea-party dress in a matter of minutes. It was exhilarating and, somehow, James Bondish, and helped me to settle down to proper "lady" behavior at our fine tea table.

The local pub where we enjoyed a simple, delicious meal one evening at the corner booth with a real fire burning merrily in the grate.

An unlovely photograph perhaps...but the soup was so wonderful and that view! I wanted to remember how it felt sip a warm cup of soup and look upon the Thames.

It is so easy to find really good vegetarian food in Britain. Food that celebrates its veggie-ness and is not just a meatless version of something else. The variety and color and substantial-ness of the offerings that we found in this Edinburgh diner were so nourishing...to our souls and our bodies. Lucky students who have this place so close, everyday.

And back to our castle...imagine taking a tour around cold castle rooms for a few hours until you were filled up with wonder and chilled to the bone and when you went through the door that was the "way out", you looked down upon this....

Heaven.

We sat at the table right next to the huge fire place, and a few feet from this...

I do apologize for the blur...was it some leftover shivers? Or my wonder at the 1-2-3-4 (count them!) cakes to choose from....the well-stocked shelves of crockery...the fresh flowers...the tea and coffee waiting to be poured....

One of my pet peeves about my dear country is that they are always separating the salad from the rest of the meal. Why do they do that? And this is what I love about so many meals in Britain....everything arranged happily and cosily together on a plate (just like home) and a pot of tea near-to-hand.

(Baked potato with cheese and two salads)

My first Victoria Sponge. More tea. Still in heaven.

I love English cakes...frosting on top and middle, but the sides humble and crumby....or perhaps no frosting at all, just jam and some sprinkled sugar. We don't really do that so much here, tho' I am going to give it a go. I love a frosted-all-over cake for birthdays, but perhaps I can justify more cake-baking if they are less indulgent and more homey and simple? I shall keep you posted.

The delights of travel...how I hope to enjoy them again in the future. I have my hopes set on some farmhouse B&Bs and a vegetarian hotel in the Lake District, for a start...

Miss Potter's country

2011-05-24T00:52:00.001-04:00

These are just snapshots...some day I hope to return, without children, and with the time and

space and quiet to take some more thoughtful photographs, but I am glad to have these photos that captured my favorite day in England. A new friend drove us all around a small portion of Cumbria...starting here around Derwent Water. This was my first glimpse when we got out of the car, and tho' I tried to be a little more subtle in my reactions to what we saw all day, this really is what I felt, moment after moment..heart leaping, spirit floating, resisting the urge to lay myself down upon every obliging field and hillock.

After our long ramble around a portion of the lake, a boat ride (neither walk nor ride coming close to where Miss Potter was filmed or where the real Miss Potter spent many summers with her family), and a lovely vegetarian meal al fresco, we went on to briefly visit Keswick, then the Derwent Pencil Museum (delicious cream tea!), Castlerigg stone circle and home across fells with a stop halfway to let the fell ponies greet us through the open car windows and a three-quarters-of-the-way-home-stop at tiny whitewashed pub for the loveliest beer I've ever had.

Such a day.

*Please excuse the higgledy-piggledyness of the the alignment of my photos and text.

Blogger doesn't seem to be agreeable to me making my photos larger than usual, tho it had better get used to it as my aging eyes prefer it!*

elsewhere

2011-05-14T23:41:00.000-04:00

Dunbar, Scotland

I took this photo almost exactly two years ago, with my head and shoulders poking out of the rooftop window in our b&b in Scotland. I can't say that I want to be back in that particular place again, but I am longing to go back and find new places to get to know. Two years ago I felt amazed to have returned, after twenty-some years, but it was a rather busy time and our family passed around a stomach virus that put a bit of a damper on our days. There were also many lovely moments and even exalted ones...and I am ready for more.

Edinburgh

My attachment to Britain is life-long, tho' I've never known how to account for it. It is just there, deep within me. I felt it in my feet on the cliffs of Cornwall many years ago...and in the ancient, mossy forests. I felt it two years ago walking the hawthorn-edged lanes...climbing the stiles from field to field...enjoying a hard cider by a pub fire. I don't consider myself an Anglophile, tho' I am "a person who is fond of or greatly admires England or Britain"...but it is more than that. When I was a young woman, I had very romantic notions about England (and Wales, my favorite country back then). Those notions may still be within me, but what makes my eyes prick with tears these days, or sends shivers up my spine is all that I see there that is mindful and cherished and on a more human scale that I am able to easily find here...the accessibility of the countryside, vegetarian and organic food, walks, lovely pubs and tea shops, book shops, post boxes...

near Derwent Water, Lake District

...the land, the sea...the land. Oh dear, now I am really missing it all! I know it is because it is the anniversary of our being there...but it is also because we are in a betwixt-and-between place this Spring. There are the constant ups and downs of caregiving that we still haven't become accustomed to, and in just a few weeks our seventeen years of home-schooling will come to an end as my youngest son graduates and an empty nest looms. I am learning how to re-orient my home-making towards (and from!) something other than mothering...tho' rather falteringly. The perspective that comes from travel, from being elsewhere, would be so welcome now, but I shall just keep finding it in other ways. Re-arranging furniture has been much on the agenda around here, that is always helpful. And I have been finding quiet hours...in the sometimes-sleepless hours before dawn, or alone with my notebooks in the afternoon to think about it all, to plan new rhythms...and to revisit certain dreams that were put away before.

In the meantime, while we are shifting rooms and making our way through these endings and beginnings, I hope you will indulge me as I post some photos from our 2009 trip to Britain...in the few weeks to come. I never properly chronicled it then, and it will feel soothing to do so now. And I will keep reading my British books and watching my British shows and visiting my British blogs...when I want to be elsewhere, but have so much to be present for here.

anniversary

2011-04-30T01:07:00.000-04:00

Today is the fifth anniversary of The Bower.

All week, when I had a spare hour or two, I tidied up a corner here and there or rearranged a piece or two of furniture. I finally added all of the lovely places I visit to my "lovely places" page, added a search box which you will find on the "delve" page, a button in the right sidebar will now take you to my archives and a few other things were tucked here and there for you to find.

All by way of thanking you for reading and gazing and conversing.

I wonder if you know how much I value what goes on here? I know I have mentioned it before...

but I always hold back a bit. The truth is (and today I seem only to be able to say what is very true) that the comments I receive in response to my posts are one of the delights of my life. And as I read at Alice's blog:

"a multitude of small delights constitute happiness"

Charles Baudelaire

...the writing, the reading, the sharing of beauty, the humor, the making of friends...so many delights and, therefore, so much happiness to be found.

I asked my son Caleb if he had any recent photos of me, a certain someone having mentioned

that it might be time for a photo of the hens and me. This was the only one Caleb had. My first thought was "I must Photoshop out my belly." My second thought was "Oh, everyone would see how much the well-house needs painting." and "The fallen branch looks ugly." and finally "And Juniper isn't looking her best, either, in fact you can barely see her."

Then I thought that I might just tell you that my belly is big because I have a fibroid there that

won't go away but that I continue to try to heal (and I didn't know that Caleb was taking my picture and so didn't get to suck in my stomach!), and I am twenty pounds heavier than I like to be because since I became a caregiver I eat too much comfort food and don't exercise enough, that that well-house has needed painting for more than a little while and we have many dead twigs and branches and whole trees around our garden and fields and that the woods are chock-full of them.

When I take another look at this photo, I see the table and chairs where we gathered with friends and family on Easter Day, and the sunlight on my hair, the buttercups spangling the grass, the cool splash of water from the pump and remember that I could smell the mint beneath my feet as I stood there.

It is all real...and I don't know why it is so natural to edit and crop. Just this once at least, I will leave in my belly and post the photo of the eggs that has the droopy, yellowed onion grass (instead of the one where I tucked the distracting strands out of sight) and won't reread this and tweak, but will just send it out to you from me. The me who is less flowery than she was five years ago, a bit more worn and tired, but still so happy to be here and hearing from you.

eggs and nests

2011-04-23T23:41:00.000-04:00

With joy and hope...

a fresh outlook

2011-04-17T22:44:00.001-04:00

...through my camera lens, that is,

for I have a new camera through which I am looking at the world these days.

There you have the best parts my last few weeks, captured with my lovely little Olympus Pen.

I have had my eye on this camera for a year or more, finally found one on ebay (it is out of production now, you see) and snapped it up with my long-saved birthday money. We have become quite companionable in a very short amount of time. I am so pleased that my photos are a little crisper now, even with my shaky hands...but I wonder if the tone and atmosphere of my photos might change in some mysterious way?

(Caleb indulged his besotted mother

with this photo)

Blogger gave me the gift of seeing the atmosphere of my blog in a new way recently with their "dynamic views" option. Have you discovered this yet? You can look at any blog hosted through Blogger in this way by entering in the blog address with "view" after the ".com/". It will then give you choice of five different views of the blog, mosaic being the only one I really like. Honestly, I more than like the mosaic view, I am quite enchanted with it and love that it presents the photos in different ways each time you try it. When you hover over a photo, it gives you the title for the post and you can click it and visit the post, if you like. Until I saw The Bower in mosaic form, I wasn't aware of the golden warmth overall. It is so interesting to have a new perspective. Tho' I did just notice that if the blog doesn't use a photo at the top of the post, the mosaic will be more words than photos, but do have fun playing with this and, perhaps, discover new facets of dear and familiar places on the web.

With love from the blossom-drenched countryside. xo

april 8th, 1986

2011-04-09T01:14:00.001-04:00

...my deario and I met.

It truly was love at first sight.

I was going to see the tulips in the Cooper's Garden.

He was working with a landscaping crew just across the

street from my little cottage.

Last year, he gave me tulips and we poured over the calendars that I used to fill with the minutia of my days...and then, our days.

This year, while we hung out in the mudroom, keeping an eye on our new-used washing machine (it has its problems), we reminisced about that first April 8th, twenty-five years ago. He made me laugh (and feel very well-loved) when he got irked all over again for not driving the same way home as the rest of the landscaping crew (who drove right past me as I made my way home from the Cooper's Garden). But there would be many more glimpses to come...

Yesterday, we discovered the tulips from last year's anniversary blooming away in the forgotten corner where they had been placed, planter and all, when their blooms faded last Spring.

"when the world wearies...

2011-03-24T18:52:00.002-04:00

and society ceases to satisfy,

there is always the garden"

-Minnie Aumonier

Or might I slightly amend that to "there are always the hens"?

Or best of all, a garden full of hens...

I do hope this works! Isn't The Bower up-to-date now, with Moving Pictures? Seriously, tho', when I saw that my son had filmed our little women in the kitchen garden, and that it was all so peaceful with the birdsong in the background and the carpet of tiny flowers, I wanted to share it with you.

For a few months now we have been gathering a sweet handful of eggs from the henhouse each evening. Well, I say henhouse, and there are sometimes two or three eggs there, but the other two usually require a hunt around all the lovely, golden, straw-scattered nooks in what we call our barn.

But it is worth the effort.

And last week I discovered something new about chickens (or, at least, our newest flock) when I took my mom for a walk to the old orchard (the one the goats ate most of many years ago!), and that is that chickens like to take walks with us. We had already discovered that with our cats who follow us through the fields (and sometimes woods), and as my mom and I made our way over the hummocky grass towards the blooming trees, the hens followed along with us on the goat's path on the other side of the fence. As we sat beneath the blossoms of the old pear tree, the hens murmured and pecked nearby and took their leave when we did a little while later.

"Good morning, dear Jane...come out into the sunshine. I have a bowl of warm mash waiting for you near the house." Fresh mornings and dusky evenings in the barn, bright straw and grassy hay, nubby grains and crystal clear water from the pump, soft feathers and softer voices....all this our hens

give to me.

P.S. Many of these photos, as well as the film, are by my son Caleb....including the last (please excuse my rather odd pajama/sweater combination : ). When he leaves home sometime in the near future, you may never see another photo me, for it is always Caleb who beautifully photographs many beautiful ordinary moments in our days.

inarticulate

2011-03-17T18:08:00.001-04:00

little bumps on twigs

tiny blossoms here and there

now the earth is spilling over with bloom

such hard, huge things going on the world

much to pay attention to in our own little sphere, also

just trying to take it all in

wishing there were more hours in the day

to just acknowledge...absorb...work it out...

or just feel a prayer...until words return

P.S. So grateful for the birthday wishes...I read each one with sweet pleasure.

winter kitchen

2011-03-11T13:46:00.000-05:00

....I wanted to get in one last wintry picture, as Spring is definitely on the March here, with daffodils blooming and trees budding and the temperatures mellowing. I have loved the view out of the windows this winter when I relaxed upon the kitchen sofa-all twisty grey branches against the pale blue skies...with the afternoon light gilding wood and pottery and fabric.

But it is time to let go of all that I love about Winter, and when I return, you will find flowers blossoming here and other Spring-like things....also the lamp-lit evening that surprised us when the power went out just as I was starting to prepare supper last night. I spent my birthday eve sleeping on the floor next to my mom's bed, ready with the lantern to escort her to the bathroom in the wee hours or offer reassurance as the room got colder or the light refused to turn on. And I admit to worrying a bit that my birthday get-away might be thwarted, but an hour ago the power came back on, and after I post this and pack, my deario and I shall be on our way to our nation's capitol...to spend a few days with dear friends, seeing sights, going out to a movie, just talking and being together.

It should be heavenly.

I look forward to sharing it all when I return, and send you fond good wishes in the meantime.

little lamb

2011-03-03T15:23:00.005-05:00

I first read Edith Holden's entry for the 24th of February on the 24th....but must have just skimmed it without really taking it in. When I read it again just before I turned the page to March, I was back in the longing place I used to be so often as a young woman...the longing to have lived in an earlier time, a slower time, a quieter time (except when one of the then-new automobiles might have passed by!), a time when a thoughtful farmer might bring you a lamb to hold after you have just picked armfuls of his flowers....

Edith's ride on that day seems the perfection of this time of year....yes, even down to the seven-mile ride in the sleet and snow. Imagine how good the eventual dry clothes and hot tea and scones would be...

Oh! What I would give right now for a little dark-faced lamb to hold in my arms as it nuzzles my face...my bicycle leaning up against a stone wall, it's basket full of snowdrops...

take heart

2011-02-14T23:34:00.004-05:00

Sunday evening, following three days of celebrating my youngest son's eighteenth birthday, we were sleepy and tired and remembered that tomorrow was Valentines Day. We quickly gave each other permission to let go of our usual traditions.

...and my husband gave me the beautiful Valentine of a tender kiss just before he left for an early band rehearsal and I lingered in bed another hour...

....and I gave my newly-eighteen-year-old the Valentine of respectful restraint and, therefore, none of the usual lists and reminders before I left for a day in town...

...and I gave myself the Valentine of an errand-free afternoon with a long walk, a picnic lunch on a sunny bench and leisurely hours in the library...

...and the day gave me a Valentine of gentle afternoon breezes and sunshine and lavender and pink clouds at sunset....

Now it is close to midnight and I await the return of my deario. He says he has two dark beers he is bringing home with him, to be enjoyed with some leftover birthday cake, and the company of our son as we all watch Jon Stewart together.

It was a very good Valentines Day.

P.S. And I hope that yours was, too. As I was driving home today,
surrounded by those pastel skies, I thought about what I would write here tonight...and then I thought about the loveliness of comments and what pleasure they bring to me...and then I remembered the anticipation and pleasure of Valentines Days of long ago, in those sweet early years of grade school, when we would fashion those shoe-boxes decorated with construction paper and with the slit cut into the top to receive the valentines...do you remember those? There it would sit, at the edge of the desk, while the whole class wandered the room pushing the little paper envelopes satisfyingly into the slots and you would hope that when you returned to your shoebox it would be gratifyingly filled with those simple, silly Valentines (sorry for the dreadful mix of tenses and such....deario and porter and cake are quickly approaching!).

Anyway...that is what it feels like to me every time I make
a post and wait for comments. And I like to think that when we visit each blogs and leave a little something in the comment box, it is like those days of meandering around the classroom with our papery missives in hand.....xo

musing...

2011-02-06T01:32:00.002-05:00

...about the year past as the present one continues to falter and flow.
I can say with gladness that my mom is safe and happy, that we all continue
to love and appreciate each other, and that we have enormous amounts of
things to be thankful for (and are!). And tho' I continue to feel unsettled,
I am settling into that feeling and trying to go with it.

Yesterday I had a day at home to myself (well, myself and two crews of

workman-one outside the front door and the other under the kitchen floor)

because my deario took mom and boy into town. When I wasn't setting my

studio back to rights, I spent some time with my calendar and notebooks.

I didn't make much progress, but it felt good just to have them spread

about me...and to have my thoughts spread about me, too, all to myself

for a little while.

I found myself sitting in my old, cosy high-backed chair by the kitchen

window with the bird feeder just outside. This chair used to be my perch,

my place, the Queen's chair, but now it is my mom's kitchen seat and I am

truly glad for her to have it...but I do miss it sometimes, and will try to

spend more time there when Mom is napping or otherwise engaged.

I did rather alot of wandering about the house, sitting in our old bedroom

for a bit (which also became my mom's when she moved in last Christmas),

standing in my newly tidy studio and picturing what it will be like when I

can get to it through the house and won't need to walk outside, looking

around our current tiny upstairs bedroom and wondering if I will be ready

to leave it when my mom's little wing is finished in a few weeks and our

rooms and spots shift around again.

There's been quite a Goldilocks feel to the past year...trying out new

chairs and beds and routines and mental spaces and so much more...

looking for the ones that are "just right". Sometimes even finding them...

tho' not always for long. But I am learning to go with that. And when

I needed to find a new place for my beloved notebooks yesterday, and

couldn't find a shelf or drawer that sufficed, I noticed the empty basket

that I had brought in from my studio (an empty basket! A wonder!)

and knew it to be the perfect home. Wherever my bedroom might be,

whichever seat I curl up in in the kitchen, wherever my mom's needs

might take me, my basket of books can go with me.

Who knows? I might even get some planning done...I might even

finish all the little details and corners here are that are patiently

awaiting my attention (my laptop could fit nicely in my basket, too).

Life has been a bit rocky lately, but seems to be smoothing out for

the moment. I want to find more time to write here and at my other

blogs...oh for a container for our hours as easily

found as my basket, yes?

A Happy February to you....

dancing with January

2011-01-21T14:06:00.003-05:00

...and not finding our rhythm yet.

I've been reading with interest everyone's New Years post and thoughts and
words for the year, but haven't been able to find my own. Lots of building
decisions and tasks and days and days of sniffles or headaches or stuffiness
(sometimes all at once) have thrown a haze over the first fresh, new weeks of
the year. Thank goodness the haze is lifting and January and I seem to stepping
on each others toes less and less as the days go by.

I have spent the days on the sofa simplifying and redecorating my blogs.
It is a work in progress, but I would welcome your thoughts on it...
do you like the larger pictures and centeredness and everything but the
posts tucked away in the little categories above?

One day when I was in town, that first week of January, I had a spare
twenty minutes and popped in the bookstore to browse the shelves.
I so wanted to find a book or a magazine to point the way for me in the
New Year, to give me a little guidance or focus or inspiration.

I didn't find anything at all....but did get a little glimmer of the book that
I might put together some day that is the book that I was looking for.

In the meantime, I have found much beauty and steadiness in the
book that has been my constant companion for thirty-four years.
I bought The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady when I was eighteen
and its pages have been open to the month or season in every home
I have had over all these years...in my bedroom at my parent's house,

my apartments and tiny houses in the years after college, our first
little house in Williamsburg and our present home in the countryside.
Lately, it has been open on my dressing table, and I gaze at it morning
and evening as I open pots of face cream or pin up my hair. I wait for
the day of one of Edith Holden's entries to match the date I read and
imagine her on her walk or bicycle ride in the English countryside more
than a hundred years ago....paying such close attention to the birds and the
leaves and the flowers...to the weather and the small wonders of the
everyday. So she gives me some of what I am looking for...
always has, I suppose.

And I found some of what I was looking for in my beloved Country
Living (British)....just the cover speaks of so much-orderliness, domesticity,
light, comfort. I also have some blog pages open on my computer that seem to
touch on what is needing some attention in my life or something I would like to
focus on. Sue, Tif, Dorit, Alicia, Alison....all glimmers. So...no resolutions for
me....just some Glimmers and Little Realizations that with some time and
attention will strengthen and become familiar and smooth steps
in this everyday dance.

a twelfth-day miscellany

2011-01-05T12:08:00.011-05:00

The snow is gone now, but I am becoming
quite attached to having it around and and am
hoping that more will come again soon.

In the meantime, I am trying to get back
to some sort of routine...but only half-heartedly,
as I know that only today is it the last day of
Christmas, and tomorrow is a town day, and
then the weekend is here...so there is really
no possible way to get back to the usual
until next Monday...perfectly sensible,
wouldn't you agree?

On Monday I did something greatly out
of the ordinary and that was to go to a matinee.
It is rare for a movie to come along that I am
willing to both pay money to see and endure
all the dreadful pre-movie ads...but it was
The King's Speech, so I gladly did both.

It was very much worth it. I was
moved to tears by the end and glad to hear
the gentle applause throughout the theatre
at it's conclusion. Of course, I have been rather
taken with Bertie and Elizabeth since I saw
the movie of the same name several years
ago...and there was also Colin Firth. The
only thing I didn't like was the gloomy cast
to most of the movie (something you see more
and more these days) and the stylized rooms
and sets (more artistically pleasing to some
designer's vision than to reality, I think).
I clung to any glimpse of sunlight or
firelight and was glad the theatre was
warm since they didn't serve hot
cups of tea during the showing,
more's the pity.

We were supposed to go to a lovely
annual Twelfth Night gathering tonight,
but various menfolk in the house are ill...
so instead, we will light a fire and sip
potato soup. I might even be able to convince
everyone to watch one last holiday story.

I just finished my first book of the year...
The Shell Seekers. It is the book that
introduced me to Agas and scrubbed pine
tables when I first read it in 1987. It was a
cosy, easy read when I met it again after all
these years, and I especially liked these
lines from a poem by Louis MacNeise
that I found amongst its pages...

"...Whose nature prefers
trees without leaves
and a fire in the fireplace."

new years day

2011-01-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

...and I am looking back on the year past,
with gratitude for the beauty and peace...
they certainly helped us to bear the
rest.

Leaving wishes here for all of us to find...for a year
full of all we were fortunate enough to experience as
we saw in the New Year last night-the warmth of
friendship, the joy of music, the beauty of the earth,
the pleasure of good food and drink, new sights and
sounds and people, the bonds of family, a dear home,
and love to give us strength in the hard moments
and to gild the happy ones.

the twenty-fifth and twenty-sixth of december

2010-12-26T13:18:00.011-05:00

Next to the fireside last night,
having just watched one of our favorite Christmas
films, getting the photos ready for my last December
post-the power went out. It is amazing how much
that changed things. it didn't used to, but with Mom
here, the power going out is less an adventure in
simplicity and more a challenge of keeping her warm
and safe and unworried. We sometimes lose power
for days and days, but it was only out several hours
last night, and with the morning has come the
light (to sky and to my mood!) and the continued
snowfall (which can now be enjoyed).

Some of us are in the kitchen, listening to the
radio and uploading new music and reading
new books, some of us (who convinced me that
playing video games in the living room was
"nostalgic" since living away at college) are by the
Christmas tree, controllers in hand. Some of us are
wandering about, nibbling on doughnuts
and almonds and stocking candy.

Outside, the blackbirds are covering the
snow-capped feeder and the goats and hens are
cosily circumscribed in the little rectangle of
dry straw in the paddock, while the snow
continues to blow and fall.

I am anticipating days ahead filled with rest
and good food and lots of reading. I know I will
also pause now and then to receive the truly lovely
and welcome gifts of your notes and visits here,
(as I do always, with so much happiness). It has
been so wonderful to spend
December with you.

I will drop another note in the snowy hedgerow
sometime soon....when the spirit moves.

p.s. I forgot the last picture....of our tiny bell, which
is always placed on the end of the branch of our Christmas
tree that will be most often be brushed against as we
go between kitchen and living room. We have given
so many angel's their wings since Christmas Eve!

..."sweet Christmas bells are ringing"

the twenty-fourth of december

2010-12-24T20:04:00.006-05:00

Christmas Eve in the kitchen...peeling potoatoes
plucking off sprouts and stirring up the gravy
for our traditional Christmas Day vegetarian
shepherds pie (shepherds-get it?)...

Cheese scones waiting in the freezer to
be baked. Tins of fudge and Special K Cookies
(don't ask-more badness-but so scrumptious!).
Little quiches in the fridge to accompany the
doughnuts and coffee and eggnog for the sweet
morning hours around the tree.

All day between sink and cooker
and baking table...with a quick dash
to the garden to look for fresh sage,
and a relaxing half-hour on the sofa
with my magazine and a bowl of snowy
vanilla ice cream.

And then some evening moments by
the fireplace, in the candlelight eating supper,
adorning the tree, watching It's a Wonderful
Life, writing this post.

Such riches...but the best gift of all is
that we are all safe and together under one
roof for a precious little while. Tho' I've
just tucked my mom into bed for the third
time tonight, she is home and whole and
we are not where we were last year at this
time. Tho' the filling of my eldest's
stocking this year is as much made up of
my hopes and blessings for his happiness
and success as it is the tangerines and
tokens, he is here within arms' reach
and eye's glanceand that
will do for now.

The candles are burning low and
morning will soon arrive, so I will
leave you with deep and warm wishes
that you have a day of contentment
and happiness.

You are a gift to me!

the twenty-third of december

2010-12-23T19:45:00.007-05:00

p.s. you can always get a hint of what my photos are
about (if it is ever unclear) by holding the cursor over
one and seeing the name of it at the bottom of your
computer window.

the twenty-second of december

2010-12-22T20:57:00.008-05:00

(one year I filled star-shaped boxes with the fudge

and sent one to each of my brothers)

I remember being in the kitchen
in our modern house in Simi Valley, California. As I read
the ingredients from the magazine and added them to the
electric mixer on the end of the counter, I felt the happy glow
from the "stained glass" creation on the sliding glass doors
beside me that my mom had fashioned for Christmas (scrunched
up tissue paper in bright colors applied with starch, I think?
Does that ring a bell? I think the craft project and the fudge
may have come from the same magazine...ah,
the seventies).

We didn't seem to have a square pan, so I pressed
the fudge into a round cake pan and that started the
tradition in our family of eating large pie-shaped wedges
of the rich, sweet fudge. Forty years down the road I
have atleast reverted back to a square pan and little
squares....tho' I am now sorely tempted by the
thought of a pie-shaped helping!

Ok, here it is (I take no responsibility for
what may come of sharing this easy, delectable
and very, very unhealthy fudge).
Do enjoy.

Peanut Butter Fudge

Mix 1/3 cup butter
1/2 cup light corn syrup
3/4 cup peanut butter
(not the organic sort, the bad sort)
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla

..in large mixing bowl until well blended.
Stir in 4 1/2 cups powdered sugar.
Knead 1/2 inch thick in pan (8" x 8" square)
and cool and store in refrigerator.
(May be doubled,
and usually is around here!)

(some for our dear crew on the not-quite-finished
front porch)

the twenty-first of december

2010-12-22T02:28:00.015-05:00

Some warmth and light from the past few days...

And just now, at three in the morning on the Winter
Solstice, as the candles and fires burn low downstairs,
and the bonfire burns merrily outside with dear people
still encircling it, I am tucked up in bed, filled to the
brim with the warmth and light of all the friendship and
celebration and love that have kindled this night.

Happy Winter!

the twentieth of december

2010-12-19T23:50:00.006-05:00

If it weren't the end of a very busy day,
with a very busy evening ahead...if it weren't the eve
of our Solstice gathering...I would write a long and
loving post about all of the books I love at this time
of year....with links to explore for each book....

But since I am just
about to eat some homemade
pizza and finish lighting our Christmas tree and
decorate matchboxes for our friends who will come
tomorrow and frame some wintery illustrations
and make the lists for tomorrow....

I will just tell you
that just before I fall asleep tonight,
I will read the last dozen pages of Mandy
by Julie Edwards and that after the Solstice I will
be getting out my Alison Uttley Christmas Stories
which are the loveliest stories I know. And you
should know that any book by Alison Uttley
(her children's books or her essays and memoirs)
have the right spirit for these days. And if you
have never read Winter Solstice by Rosamunde
Pilcher, I would highly recommend that you check
it out of the library today. And you might see a
few of the Miss Read Christmas books and stories
awaiting an hour or two of leisure around my
house...

And that will have to do...the pizza is warm and
waiting-as is my family-and I will see you here
again tomorrow, as we await the Longest Night.

the nineteenth of december

2010-12-19T23:50:00.004-05:00

...and the day has gotten away from me...
only ten minutes to post actually on the day!

So just an amusing photo of the hens.
If the door to the porch is left open, they enter
in and take it over, as tho' it is their own.
They did spend many weeks of their chickhood
there (but in their apartment, not running
loose as they do now), and it seems to have
made an impression.

The joint compound tray adds a festive note,
don't you think? And makes the photo appropriate
for Advent...if you make allowances.

I loved reading your comments this
morning and hope to make a Christmas book
post in answer tomorrow....

And I would make a recipe post in answer
to the fudge appreciation, but don't know if I
can bear to pass along a recipe that I have been
making since the fourth grade and is made with
the worst sort of ingredients. And yet-it does
sustain me throughout these busy days, and
hey ho, Christmas comes but once a year.

the eighteenth of december

2010-12-18T10:44:00.007-05:00

the seventeenth of december

2010-12-17T18:15:00.006-05:00

Just a few photos tonight, for I am tired.

I am at that place in the days before Christmas
(and our large Solstice celebration) where the cleaning
and uncluttering and rearranging and painting and
finding and gathering of Christmasy things is nearly
finished. 'Tho perhaps everyone else in the world
doesn't need to do all this pre-preparation preparation
that I always seem to need to do? Smile.

But we are
nearly to the trimming and adorning
and greening and twigging days...the best days.
And this year, I have put lights in the windows
and a favorite thing or two out to cheer us on
through the prosaic days.

The trees are waiting patiently,
the coming light is beckoning in the
near distance.

the sixteenth of december

2010-12-16T21:12:00.003-05:00

the fifteenth of december

2010-12-15T18:16:00.004-05:00

the fourteenth of december

2010-12-14T19:10:00.007-05:00

I had an old-fashioned breakfast with the mail
this morning...all that was missing was the butler
to deliver it to the table on a salver.

It is rare to have a stack of letters
these days, but because my recent sale was
conducted in the old-fashioned way with checks
and stamps, in between bites of coffee cake
and sips of hot coffee I opened envelope after
envelope and gathered a few windowsills of
pretty cards and warm Christmas wishes.

A very cheery way to start the day.

the thirteenth of december

2010-12-13T20:44:00.006-05:00

Just this one photo...
and then my camera batteries gave out.

And when the batteries gave out,
so did my resolve to endure the icy winds
as I strolled through Colonial Williamsburg.

I had it in mind to take some photos of the
pretty and natural Christmas decoration
on the doors and gates. It is very colorful
and interesting at this time of year.

Colonial Williamsburg is a special
place to many people...it is to us, too.
But it is also very familiar, like our
own backyard. I lived and worked just
next to it for many years as a young woman,
my husband courted me there (first kiss!)
and it is where he heads to work each
evening, our children ramble there with
their friends and now I often wander its
streets and nooks and crannies when
I am on my own of an afternoon...as I
did almost thirty years ago.

So I promise to go again soon to
capture some of those Christmassy
doors and windows.

In the meantime, this photo was very
satisfying to capture...the touch of red
that I seem to crave this time of year, the
icicles left on the fence from our brief
snowfall this morning, the gorgeous
shaggy horse in his winter coat.

the twelfth of december

2010-12-12T19:21:00.003-05:00

inside

outside